You know the saying that goes "You don't have to be the fastest running from the bear you just have to be faster than the slowest guy." Do you ever get the sense that you are the slowest person running from the bear? I'm starting to feel like I'm falling behind the pack. For almost the past year now I have been aimless. No goal. No motivation. Nothing. I've stopped moving forward. And I'm pretty sure this is a huge factor in the crumbling of so many relationships in my life. My bubble is dwindling, and it scares me so much. I feel like everyone is moving on, growing up, and I'm just stuck. Part of this complex could be the fact that almost daily I get a text from my best friend informing me of some other person my age who is engaged or married or having a baby or something else.
I am 22 years old. This is an age where people are graduating from college. Getting engaged. Having babies. Doing amazing things with their lives. And what about me? I live with my sister. I have pretty much dropped out of school. I have no boyfriend or prospects even. And no idea what to do about any of it. Scary scary thought. I am living a stagnant life... and I have to do something about it. And I'm trying...
For starters I got a full-time job. I will be starting work at a daycare next week. Which the money will be extremely nice, I just hope that I don't pull my hair out in the process. :( I also have been looking into an Even Management Certification in Austin. Don't know if it'll work out but I'm looking into it. Definitely not getting my hopes up. But this is the first thing I've found that deals with what I really want to do. As for the boy front I got nothing. I think I have forgotten how to be a girl who grabs guys attention. Or maybe I've never been that kind of girl, but either way I don't know how to do it. I've had my share of guys who liked me, but I have no idea how it works. I don't grab the attention of guys when I go out, and I have no way of meeting guys through work or school since those have been pretty much a bust here lately.. So I've decided to take a break. I've stopped thinking about and worrying about it and stressing about it. I will find a guy who actually deserves me and who actually loves me and it will be so amazing that it will make me realize why it's not worked with guys in the past. I mean don't get me wrong I have had excellent luck with the guys I have dated. And I have been loved, deeply, and I know this. It just wasn't ever right. And I cannot wait until I find the right guy. But until that day why worry?
So, that's my new outlook on life. Or trying at least... ;)
"Lord, help me find peace. Amen."
*** Sidenote: Be on the lookout for a new blog project that me and my sister Amanda (lavatea) are working on. It's a little picture blog about our Historical Adventures. It should be neat, and it should be up and running soon! :)